


Watching the stars

by tallglassofsuho



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 07:29:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2016321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tallglassofsuho/pseuds/tallglassofsuho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joonmyun used to adore the stars...Used to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Watching the stars

Kim Joonmyun loved to watch the stars. He loved to lay out on the ground and listen to the world around him; to feel as if it was just him and the endless void. He dreamed of watching the sky, usually alone, but sometimes things were different. Joonmyun had his head rested on anothers chest, his rhythmic breathing giving him a false sense of security. He’d stayed silent, paying close attention to the heartbeat below him. It felt to real to be a dream. Even if if was a dream, Joonmyun never wanted to wake up. "Joonmyun?" His name sounded like silk coming from that deep baritone.  
"Yes Yifan?" He responded quietly, watching the stars above.  
"I'm so sorry." Yifan whispered.  
"Sorry?" Joonmyun pondered aloud, sadly never answered. His partner was nowhere to be seen; leaving the man to lay in the dew dampened grass by himself. Slowly, his eyes refocused on the sky. New stars joined the sky he'd memorized. The words were barely audible as they left his lips, "Yifan..."  
He'd awoken quickly, reaching out to the side instinctively for his companions comfort. Yet his bed was empty. Hesitantly he left the bed, Joonmyun peaked into every room in hopes to find him. Yet his companion was no where to be found; he was panicking. Yifan was missing.  
Joonmyun stopped and leaned on the wall; sliding to a seated position with his knees drawn to his chest. Where was his galaxy? Joonmyun was the dark sky, Yifan was the stars that made him shine ever so brightly. Yifan. The name stuck in his brain, each syllable seemed so fleeting. Just like him.  
The memories came flooding back like somebody had broken down the sea wall, the bittersweet memories left a strange pain in his chest and an empty feeling in his heart. Somebody stole his stars. Somebody had shot his beautiful galaxy over the forty dollars in his wallet.  
Joonmyun felt it, the stinging feeling in his eyes and the bulge forming in his throat. He'd suppressed those terrible memories the best he could, but they always came back to haunt him. The sky taunted him with his lovers dark eyes, shimmering like diamonds. Teasing him with every subtle glimmer.  
His galaxy had left him, left him to be a dark void that can't bear the thought of looking at himself in fear of finding a trace of his beautiful stars gleaming at him like nothing had ever happened. The void can not bear it, can not bear the thought of his own existence without the small flickers of light that made everything seem okay.  
Joonmyun can not bear to part with his stars. His stars are the compass to what makes life worth living. But it seems as if they have all burned out. Joonmyun can not bear to say his name, or even mention the sky. It left a bitter taste in his mouth and an aching feeling in his chest. He was not complete. Joonmyun sat there for hours, crying until the oceans in his eyes dried. Crying until the sun broke the sky. He cried until his body ached and he found it hard to breath. Yifan was gone. 

A month after his break down, the razors in the bathroom became too tempting. They constantly taunted him with the possible release from his sorrows. He sadly gave into his the temptations. Joonmyun found himself sitting on the tiled bathroom floor, the tears continued to roll down his cheeks and splash like rain onto the floor. He'd pinched the razor blade between two fingers, it hovered centimeters above his frail skin. One deep cut and it'll be over slowly.  
Only half way down his forearm did he feel regret. He didn't want to die. The boy was frantic, holding his arm close to his body while dialing the number for emergency services. They said everything would be alright. He wanted to live for his galaxy. But everything felt so cold and he was slipping.  
Kim Joonmyun awoke in a hospital bed with gauze wrapped snugly around his wrist and an IV in his arm. He felt sick but there was nothing to throw up. When a nurse finally walked in, he got his explanation. He'd tried to kill himself but called an ambulance because he changed his mind. They said he'd be sent to a rehab clinic until he's deemed recovered by a therapist.  
The first few days in the rehab clinic were hell, but there was a kid there named Sehun. He was beautiful, flawless skin reminded him of the clouds, his eyes glittered like gems even while appearing so sad. Sehun had the most beautiful smile, those rare times he did. Joonmyun felt somewhat lighter when the younger looked his way, like an enormous weight was lifted from his shoulders. His blonde hair reminded Joonmyun of the sun while his voice made the mans heart flutter. Sehun had become his sun.  
“Sehun?”  
“Yes Joonmyun?” He asked as if in a dream, Joonmyun laced their fingers together, his sun would not disappear like the galaxy had.  
“Why are you here?” The boy seemed to pause, shifting awkwardly with his back against the elders chest.  
“I...I tried to off myself. Tried to hang myself from the bar in the closest, it broke before I suffocated. My mom found me passed out when she was putting laundry away.” A rather heavy silence hung between the two for a few minutes, “You?” Joonmyun did not answer, instead only pulled his hand away from the other and rolled his sleeve up as Sehun rolled over to see what he was doing. What little color the boy had in his face drained upon seeing the scar leading to the middle of his forearm along with the others across his skin. They were both unusually silent, Sehun had taken the others arm in his hands, tracing the lines with his index finger. “Why?” The younger breathed out, Joonmyun blurted out what came to mind.  
“My galaxy died out.” Though the words sounded so strange out loud, but it appeared Sehun knew what he meant.  
“What happened to your galaxy?”  
“Somebody shot him…He just...He left me alone, he used to be my stars. Without him it’s just dark...Sehun, I’m scared of the dark.” His eyes stung as tears threatened to spill down his cheeks.  
“Joonmyun I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, we don’t have to talk about him.” Sehun said quietly.  
“It, it feels good to let out. I’ve just felt so trapped with these thoughts.”  
“What was his name?”  
“Wu Yifan.” There was a sweet taste to the name yet his chest still seemed to ache.  
“What was he like?” The younger asked, touched his forehead to the elders.  
“He was handsome, your eyes remind me of his, gentle and bright. Yifan was tall...And he had the brightest smile.” Joonmyun seemed to zone out, attempting to remember what his galaxy looked like. Sehun did not break the others though, instead listened to the small things he’d mumble. “Yifan was sweet and funny. He was caring…” He seemed to snap back to reality, face turning a slight shade of pink. “Sorry…I dwell on the past sometimes.”  
“He sounded amazing hyung.” Sehun mumbled quietly, “I’m sorry you lost your stars and that its dark.”  
“It’s okay, I have my sun now.” Joonmyun moved the youngers hair from his face.  
“Hyung? Am I your sun?” He nodded in response. “I’m glad I can make it bright again.”  
“As long as you keep smiling, my world will always be bright Sehun.”  
“I love you hyung, but you’re so cheesy.”  
“I love you too Sehun.” Joonmyun whispered, there was no aching in his chest when he thought of his galaxy. Maybe Yifan had sent this sun to take his place so his world wouldn’t be so dark. He silently thanked his galaxy for making everything bright again.

**Author's Note:**

> This was the first sad thing I've managed to finish, the end had more dialogue then I'd thought.


End file.
